I need to check my email more often ?? hahaha ..Sorry

(no idea if these are true, but they're fun)

Embarrassing medical exams :)

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'

My wife's  going to have her baby in the cab.'

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's 
dress and began to take off her underwear.

Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - 
and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San Francisco
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2. At the beginning of my shift

I placed a stethoscope on an elderly

and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths,'. . .  I instructed. 
'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient..  

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, 
Seattle ,  WA
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3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad 
news when I told a wife that her husband had 
died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Not more than five minutes later, I heard her 
reporting to the rest of the family that he had 
died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
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4. During a patient's two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist, he informed 
me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with 
one of his medications.

' Which one ?'. . . I asked. 'The patch....

The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
and now I'm running out of places to put it!'

I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped 
I wouldn't see.

Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of 
the old  patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, 
Norfolk ,  VA
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5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
 I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'

After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .

' Why, not for about twenty years - when  my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- 
Corvallis ,  OR
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6. I was performing rounds at the 
hospital one morning and while checking 
up on a man I asked .. . .' So how's your 
breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good 
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem 
to get used to the taste.'. . . Bob replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced 
a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, 
Detroit  ,
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7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room 
when a young woman with purple hair styled 
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting  a variety 
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, 
entered . . . It  was quickly determined that 
the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was 
scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she 
was completely disrobed on the operating 
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had 
been dyed green and above it there was a 
tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon 
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, 
which said 'Sorry . . . had to  mow the lawn..'

Submitted by RN no name
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AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . .. . . . .. . . . .

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in  OB.

I was quite embarrassed when performing female 
pelvic exams.... To cover my embarrassment 
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing
this exam suddenly burst out laughing

and further embarrassing me.

I looked up from my work and sheepishly said.  . .
' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' 
She replied with tears running down 
her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .

' No doctor  but the song you were whistling was . . .
' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '

     Dr. wouldn't submit his name...